[comment from Alraisen Avecesdario]
By the way, I've been translating what is possibly the last interview he did. Since I don't know a better place to upload it to, here it goes. Please comment on any mistake or nuisance that might catch your eyes. I clarify the asterisks at the end.
... happy birthday, siina.
The manga-like life of Siinamota, who survived criticism and anxiety
He is Siinamota, a young musician who started creating music works in the 2nd year of middle school, active mainly on Niconico Douga, and who achieved his debut album in 2012 at the age of 16 . 3 years have passed, and now his latest album “Ikiru”, releasing around the corner of his 20th birthday, looks back on his life up to this point in the shape of a concept album rich in various sub themes over its 13 songs. Today I received the opportunity, while looking back at the 20 years that run across the album, to learn straight from Siinamota about his current state of mind in this turning point of his life, along with the reaffirmation of his genius. This is a valuable text capturing one face of the “Era of Vocaloid”, and the document of a creator's growth on his expression.
19 years of a life like out of a manga.
“From now on too, from now on too, a life like out of a manga, the future painted in white, the past painted in black.” This is the catch-phrase accompanying your third album, “Ikiru”, a conceptual work created looking back at your life up to the present now as your 20th birthday on the 3rd of March approaches. As a piece of work firmly bound by themes such as the one you start with, which conveys the idea of “birth”, and others singing about the “future” or “life”, it wouldn't be wrong to call it a documentary of the changes in your state of mind concerning your own life that were poured directly in the music.
Siina: First of all, I wanted to create a work in celebration of my 20th birthday. You know about 黒魔 (Chroma) (the thing is, he released a video in Niconico Douga in 2007, called “A second year middle school student does his best playing “Super Mario” by ear”, showcasing a sloppy playing by ear, but 8 years later he has grown into an outstanding musician with great technique), whose video “The middle school student's supper sloppy playing by ear” gave a lot to talk about recently, right? Right now I'm sharing a room with him, and I absolutely loved his “Trip journal of memories” album. While listening to it, a conceptual album with the places he went to as themes, played by piano, I realized I wanted to make a conceptual work too, and at the same time I also thought like “When it comes to making music to earn my food from now on, maybe this would be my last piece of work ”. So that's why I decided to make one looking back at my life up until now.
At the coming-of-age ceremony, I was the one who had changed the most since middle school.
You attended the coming-of-age ceremony held in your hometown Komatsu, in the prefecture of Ishikawa. The photo taken there is the one used this time in the album's artist corner.
Siina: My area's public safety isn't any good, and I was surprised to see the “regent”*1 guys with the “Endless” flags waving in the very instant of the coming-of-age-ceremony (laughs). Also, I've been featured many times on my hometown's television, newspaper and the likes, and somehow became famous, so I got inquired like: “You're now an artist, right? How's the royalties?” and such from some friends…
Was there any enthusiasm in your circle of acquaintances?
Siina: What really shocked me were things like a friend from my hometown I hung out with some time ago who came by car, or the guy who in the past had no interest in girls telling me “Hey, give me that chick's LINE”.
But you yourself too, Mota, have changed fairly since that time too, right?
Siina: I got told that a lot. I mean, I said it myself (laughs). When I said “Everyone has changed, but I'm the one who has changed the most, right?”, everyone was like “Spot on, man!” (laughs). In primary or middle school I loved manga, and I was either drawing by myself, or timidly hanging out with gloomy friends with the same hobbies. But since starting my career in the net, I think I've become way more open when it comes to people.
You first started to tread the path of music when you were 4 years old. Thanks to the echo of your older sister learning electronic music you started attending classes, and that has become the foundation of all songs leading to the present. Yet, of the time before you discovered Vocaloid, you have more bad than good memories.
Siina: The classes of electronic music I attended were like P.E., where the teacher would tell me “Don't even talk to me until you can play that”, and I remember practicing in tears. I hated it.
Yet even then, you didn't grow to hate music itself.
Siina: I guess I liked it. That's why I entered a marching band in my fifth year of school. Our year had a unexplainable sense of solidarity, like we even went to the Japan Marching Band Baton Twirling Contest.*2
And in high school?
Siina: I entered a concert band*3 in high school too, but was bullied by my female seniors. Every day they would turn my school bag inside out after classes in the back of the park, or throw things at me, and I would come back at home to bawl my eyes out, so I left the club. Right at the time I stopped going I discovered Hatsune Miku, and the thought that “There is a way to make music completely by myself” got me immersed in it. That's why this time, when I wondered which song could fit the theme of “growth”, I thought “Yeah, bullying”. And that's why “Wagahaiwa” (the second song”) is about bullying, which I don't think will ever stop.
You should not show off your happiness or your unhappiness
Upon starting uploading videos on Niconico Douga in the second year of middle school, you were given “PowapowaP” as nickname, then took off in “Strobe Last”, boasting with more than 500.000 views, and your songs soon gained attention. While it may look like you pulled off a favorable start as a Vocaloid producer, “9 kara 0 he” (the third song) shows how it was all far from happy. The theme expressed is “shock”.
Siina: It made me anxious to see this song I had created rather absentmindedly garnered more attention than expected. There was a community of Vocaloid in the net called “Nyappon”*4 at that time, and I knew you could be bashed for your young age, so I lied and told them I went to university, and not middle school. But then came the time for the high school entrance exams and I couldn't go to the high school I wanted to because of family circumstances, so wanting to somehow vent out the stress I said “The truth is, I am still preparing for my exams” in the net. That stirred up some flames.
As your health began to decline, you transferred from the high school you were attending instead of the one of your choice to a part-time school. However you did not felt satisfied there either, and stopped midway. After sprouting on the Internet about your discomfort with the family environment that had originated all the stress, and as a result from the criticism you were soaked in by the users, your music career was interrupted in 2011. “GINGA”, which would later become a white label affiliate*5, reached out for you then.
Siina: If I think about it now, I'd say you shouldn't show off your unhappiness or your happiness. But I did then, and said other things like “I'm going to die”. My nerves were sort of wracked, and I stopped being able to ignore the insults about me and other unnecessary things on the net.
It was the proposal from Ginga that helped you build the path towards recovery, then.
Siina: That's right. The lyrics of “It collapses along with glory” in “Please tell me, Mister Wonder” (the fifth song, with “glory” as a theme) come from the manga “Nemurubaka” by Masakazu Ishiguro, whose main character, who plays in a punk band says “Geniuses can fly over any wall, while I can only keep on digging it bit by bit with a scoop”, and then when she actually touches the wall there's a scene where she realizes “Huh? It's softer than I thought”. You can say “the wall collapsed”, and when GINGA made me a proposal, I too got the impression it was softer than I had thought.
And like that, in March of 2012, Yume no mani mani”, your first album, was released. In a time where adding a “P” to your name and decorating your CD's cover with the character that gave start to Vocaloid, Hatsune Miku, was the norm, and in tune with the importance レーベル gives to the creator and also with your intention, the album launched with the name “Siinamota” along with the chic cover design without any character featured called for a great response, and with the song provided by 南波志帆*6, the remix of渋谷慶一郎*7 and others, your career's scope grows in range. Then one year later you released the EP “こけがねのうた” yet of this time you remember your doubts.
Siina: There's a line that goes “I started walking full of doubts” in “Hanshihangimi-“ (the seventh song, with the theme of “setting off”), which ended up as a relatively ill-advised song when I had just wanted to speak about my current circumstances, and I felt like “Is this good?”. Like “This is not what I want to sing about at all, right?”.
But weren't you conscious since the time of your debut of “wanting to express myself fully aware I pertain to a minority”
Siina: I'd say I had become a bit defiant. That's why, what “setting off” really means as a theme is “You cannot turn around anymore”.
Is is really alright for me to sing about me as I am?
After moving to Tokyo to live by himself, and launching “Kokegane no Uta” in February of 2013, Siinamota successfully transfers to “U/M/M/A”, an electronic genre label with DECO*27, sasakure.UK, Buffalo Daughter and others who Siinamota so looked up to. His second album “Arutawa Setsunapoppu” being released approximately half a year later, let's say from an outsider point of view it looked like he was favorably stepping up as a Vocaloid producer. Yet the feelings of uncertainty of whether there was something he could sing about didn't fade away. Then less than one month later after the album had started selling two videos were released on the Internet: “Futsuu ni sai wo toru koto sura” (8th theme, with the theme of “solitude), which reveals the central point of the album, and “Shoujo A” (9th theme, with the theme of “change”) uploaded by Siinamota without the approval of the label itself.
Siina: The lyrics of “Spinning a nonexistent heart” inside “Futsuu ni sai wo toru koto sura”, clearly refers to the idea that there weren't many things I wanted to sing about, and I felt really empty.
Well, I think it's exactly because even then they cannot stop making music that creators feel so lonely.
Siina: If you compare the “A life, like out of a manga” catchphrase in the copies with the lyrics of “We, who showed the extraordinary in the everyday”, the point is that “My life isn't normal”. If I were to give an example of a manga, I would say one the likes of Inio Asano's first works, or Tagro's or Nishijima Daisuke's.*8 But since thinking this way felt arrogant to me, that's why there is the “Will you forgive me for singing this arrogance of mine?” line. It's not like I couldn't stop, but I guess I did want to make music.
And “Shoujo A” was released around the same time.
Siina: This is quite the negative song too (laughs). I get told from adults that “It's nice to make mistakes since you're still young” quite a lot, but in my opinion that's not the case. So in response to the “It's alright to trip over sometimes”, I cry repeatedly “So cold cold cold cold cold cold cold”.
And “Shoujo A” was released around the same time.
Siina: My frustration accumulated and it blew up, I guess. I wonder if I did well singing things like “I was dreaming, yet I feel so scared scared scared scared scared scared scared”…
Finding the roots of your frustration at last.
During the time you carried this frustration with you, it was “romance” that saved you. The former shut-in-ish Siina experienced many encounters, and remembered the joy of communication. Am I right if I say “Minna no mokushiroku” (the 10th song), with the theme of “Now”, talks about people and the relationships with them?
Siina: The thought that I don't any purpose in life other than music and love is strikingly present in me now. Someone told me “Find love, Powapowa” when I was in high school, and now I understand the reason.
So now it's keeping your mental health balance in check as a life-saver.
Siina: That's right. Let's say “Minna no Mokushiroku” is a song about how long will I keep reality away with romance (laughs). Although after remembering the joy of touch, I'm singing about the real feeling of parting ways with people too.
Apart from “Minna no mokushiroku”, there is a number of songs inside “Ikiru” dedicated to love as a motive which goes to show to what extent “love “is important to your current self. Yet few of them talk about its realization, instead characterized by an underlying idea of the reality of separation.
Siina: “Conflict”, the theme of “Drug Score” (the fourth song”), is talking about conflicts in love, and I amplified the one line “I fell in love mistakenly, but it wasn't a mistake” from 宇多田ヒカ*9's “Be My Last” in my own song. It's a song about remembering happiness after parting ways, so after the “I saw a world connected with you and I”, goes “that was my belief”.
“Yume demo aenai hito ga iru” (the 6th song, with the theme of “determination”) is a song about love too, right?
Siina: This song was in collaboration with “earth music & ecology JAPAN label”, and since young people are the target of the brand, I had a kind of “boy meets girl” setting in mind. Yet the lyrics deal with a tragic love, the kind where it's so painful even meeting them in dreams is nothing but sad, yet when meeting in reality is foolish, then only in dreams can I see you again.
As an artist, you cannot run away from the thought that “I don't really have many things to talk about, do I?” while at the same time earnestly thinking about wanting to express yourself as only you can do. You also feel the joy of touch with people yet at the same time constantly dread about the goodbyes inherent to it. “The front painted in white, the back painted in black” means “The white paper of the future and the darkness in the past”, but we could also say it points, in the space between white and black, to your path in gradations of grey where you suffered and continued to waver. However, I think it may be because you poured your uncertainty in your pieces that such sentimental rhythms take shelter in the songs, and find an echo in the people listening to them.
The second stage of a musician for whom the normal is unexpectedly boring
From “6 jouhan no sukima kara” (11th song), with the theme of “tomorrow”, on, you start walking forward again. Then, in “I care because” (the 12th song), with the title of a Nishijima Daisuke's manga as a motive and depicting “the future”, the line of “If we could turn in words every second someone kept living, then we would feel ourselves live, like words scattered around” appears one last time. A line from “Strobe Last”, a defining song from your beginnings.
How do you see your audience right now?
Siina: I wonder… were it to be a closed space, I could give you a straight answer, but this job I'm so privileged to have makes it difficult to answer clearly… how should I put it… they're my mates?, kind of like mates who empathize with me. So when in the end the line from “Strobe Last” appears, I wanted to convey the idea of a reward, or better yet a “thank you” to the people who have listened to me throughout the years.
You, Mota, told us that “My dream is to have a normal future” in an interview when “Kokegane no uta” was released. Approximately two years have passed since, so which is the “future” depicted in this song?
Siina: I was thinking “If you want to become normal, then just do normal stuff” to myself, so I would do some part-time jobs, and tried having a normal everyday away from music. And after that I got to the conclusion that the normal is pretty boring. Maybe that means it makes sense for a person like me to create music. Rather than just not matching my character, I had the thought that “Since making music is more fun, it would be nice to earn my bread with it”.
Would it be an overstatement to say you have gained a resolution towards the future?
Siina: Rather than a resolution, it feels more like an inevitability. I don't consider myself to be an overambitious person, so I'm only drifting, since I don't have what you would call moments of true determination (laughs). Nevertheless, when it comes to this work, I really wanted to express I tried to approach to real life. I feel that's crucial.
The last song gracing your album is “Sayounara minasan” (the 13th song, with the theme of “life”), the one putting all together. While life is a continuation of goodbyes, and as tough and sad as that may be, this one “goodbye” does not imply a fixation on the past.
Siina: This is the best out of all of them. I applauded to myself the moment I finished it (laughs).
I felt this “goodbye” hardly had a negative feeling, was I right?
Siina: It's like: Goodbye, everyone!*9 (laughs)
Like a “See you later”?
Siina: Yeah. This song isn't a farewell, more like the start of a journey. A “I'll be at it again”.
You, who now approach your determinant 20 years, and after having looked back on everything up until now, will also move on to a new stage once again. It wouldn't be wrong to say the shape of the girl full of scars jumping out of a screen, drawn by your hands, is akin to your current self.
What kind of prospects do you have on the future from now on?
Siina: Up until now I had been thinking I wanted to have fun, but from now on many hard things will come out too. So I need to remember these manifestations are there for the purpose of earning my bread with music.
The names of the artists Utada Hikaru*10 and Sakanaktion*11 come regularly in your interviews, but is there any other you may have in mind now?
Siina: Right now I'm using Siina Ringo*12 as reference. Her song rhythms, their lyrics, their catchiness, her way of conducting herself and her presence as an artist I think are all really cool.
Does that mean there is a chance you will appear not only as a Vocaloid music creator but as a musician yourself too more than before?
Siina: Hmm, you could say both. On one hand, I have to build a brand and keep myself on the background, on the other I do have to move forward. Since frankly I can't make my mind about it, I will talk it with the staff to take a decision. Of course, I want to keep going with Vocaloid, and would voice my concerns if I had any.
So a big question to wrap it up. What's the meaning of music making for you right now?
Siina: Let's see… for example, if I said “It's like breathing”, then that would be exaggerating, maybe. To even out, let's say it's like drinking a nice juice (laughs).
The first album of “Siina Ringo”, the artist Siina looks up to and with whom he shares the surname, is “Muzai Moratorium” *13. At that time, Ringo had these words to say: “For sure, it's a compilation having to do with my thoughts as a teen of what it was to “live as a human”. Having been granted life, it will decay, meaning it can be seen as an incomplete thing no matter the hour, always following some sort of mere process”. Even though Siinamota has been through many hardships and confrontations in his teens, as Ringo puts it humans are always incomplete beings, inside a moratorium but without fault.
He doesn't know yet know anything about the second act he is about to start now. The same person who always said: “My origins are with Vocaloid, so I want to keep on with it until the end” today gave me the feeling from his way of speech he had changed his opinion considerably. However, Siinamota will keep being Siinamota, no matter the manner in which he decides to express himself with. As a fan, I eagerly await his next development.
footnotes
1: A hairstyle commonly linked to Japan's youth street gangs. Big motorbikes and all.
2: There is a competition every year of Japan's Marching Bands.
3: A concert band, also called wind band, symphonic band, symphonic winds, wind orchestra, wind symphony, wind ensemble, or symphonic wind ensemble, is a performing ensemble consisting of several members of the woodwind instrument family, brass instrument family, and percussion instrument family. A concert band's repertoire includes original wind compositions, arrangements of orchestral compositions, light music, and popular tunes.
4: A social media site centered on Vocaloid which began in February of 2008 and closed in February of 2013. L*aura P made an opening of sorts: (https://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm2635834)
5: A company centered on selling another's products.
6: Shiho Nanba, who sang the lyrics of “Good morning and they reply”.
7: Keiichiro Shibuya, composer and creator of the Vocaloid opera “The End”, and for whom Siinamota made a beautiful remix of “イニシエーション”.
8: Inio Asano is the well-known “realist”? manga writer of such works as Oyasumi Punpun, The girl on the beach and the still unfinished “Dead Dead Demons Dededede Destruction”. Nishijima Daisuke is one Siinamota's favourite authors: the cover of his compilation album has drawings by him, and Siina himself remixed “1 UP Suicide” a song by “DJ Mahoutsukai” the aforementioned author who again drew the video. Dagro wrote the manga “Hen zemi”.
9: The song name itself translates to: Goodbye, everyone.
10: A Japanese singer: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utada_Hikaru
11: A Japanesse rock, alternative rock, electronic pop and new waves band originating from Sapporo (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sakanaction)
12: Siina Ringo is a Japanese female musician: https://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ringo_Shiina
13: The title translates to “Innocent moratorium”.